Today is day 16 of our 21 days of fasting, cheers to us! Fasting is a difficult thing to do. For me during my fast I tend to crave things I don’t normally eat like cookies, cereal, chips etc. Those foods are never on my radar but all of sudden my flesh wants them. So I stare at them and said to myself “girl, the devil is a lie, we don’t even eat those when we're not fasting.” Sometimes the struggle is real however, 1 Corinthians 10:13 says we all experience times of testing, which is normal for every human being. But God has provided us a way of escape that will bring us out of it victoriously. Isn’t this great news? When the devil tries to tell you that you’re the only one going through what you’re currently walking through, those are lies. He’ll also try to convince you that you’ll never win and it is impossible to have victory, those are also lies. The enemy has absolutely no power unless we agree with him. Fire back at him with God’s word, it never returns void.
This past weekend was a little rough, my husband and I went on a date to see a popular action movie. I was so excited to see it, I was a fan of the first two installments and I knew this one was going to be amazing!! Towards the end of the movie, my heart was racing. I noticed it immediately but I wanted to continue watching the movie so I silently gave myself a pep talk. “Hey what’s going on? You’re going to be fine, calm down.” I focused has hard as I could on the movie and ignored what was happening internally. Once the movie was over my husband said he had to use the bathroom, I sat there waiting for him to return and I felt myself losing a sense of reality. I kept looking at my hands because I could barely feel them and they didn’t look like my hands. My husband comes back and asks if I was okay I replied “I don’t know, I feel off.” I went to the restroom still telling myself I was okay, I just needed to make it to the car and I was going to be fine. I go outside walking towards where I thought we parked and I didn’t see our SUV, my heart is beating faster as I try to remember where I was. A million thoughts raced through my head in that moment; "omg, someone stole our truck, no my husband left me, how am I going to get home." As I stood in the middle of the parking lot literally fighting for control over my mind my husband walks in between two cars calls my name. I dart towards him while opening and closing my hands pacing back and forth trying to explain to him something was wrong but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I realized that my husband was standing by our other car the whole time but I didn't recall driving it there. I get into the passenger side staring at my hands looking around in the car, my husband is asking me what’s wrong and how he could help. I kept answering I don’t know. Meanwhile I knew I was losing control but I wasn’t that far away from reality, I told myself I could gain enough control I could pray and I would be okay.
We only live about 10 minutes from the movie theater, it felt like an hour because I was having an internal battle to gain control over my mind. During that car ride I wanted to jump out several times. At some point I asked my husband to pray for me because I knew I wasn’t in the mental state to pray for myself and I also knew that if I could get into the presence of the Lord whatever that was trying to bind me would have to flee.
Once we got home my husband opened the door for me and I had a sudden urge to run, thank God I didn’t. I followed him our house and walked straight to our bedroom and began the pace for a few minutes. My kids were standing in the doorway trying to figure what’s going on because I’ve never struggled with anxiety or had issues with my mental health.So they looked very concerned and confused. I fell onto my bed on my back and closed my eyes tight and focused as hard so I could to pray in the spirit. I started praying in my head then out loud and I slowly came to. All the anxiety, post traumatic stress began to lift off of me. Peace filled my room and I had a sound mind within minutes. Prayer works and there is power in the name of Jesus. There is nothing impossible for Jesus, I’ve witnessed his power time and time again. If I was able to gain control of my mind by calling on Jesus you can too. When we fix our eyes on Jesus we can walk on water, its when we take our eyes on Jesus we begin to sink. Today we will fast against anxiety, post traumatic stress and postpartum depression. Allow the Holy Spirit to come in to your life to bring wholeness and healing to every area of your life. This was my first and last anxiety attack and I know there is power in the blood, don’t be afraid to use it. Meditate on this scripture: For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7